What does it mean to feel like we don't belong?
When lockdown began, I was emboldened. I was made for this shit. I dove into my work and passion projects with a fervour that could only lead to burnout. And I totally expected such.
I've played this game most of my adult life. I know how to manage burnout, or so I thought.
As the months became the better part of a year, I started to crumble. There was nothing left to give. My "go to" strategy of hiding in my basement and binging Ru Paul's Drag Race and The Great British Bakeoff quickly proved inadequate.
Because I wasn't just burned out. Every time I emerged from my reality TV self-care bubble, I was confronted with my lack of connection to the people around me.
Detaching from horrible and emotionally difficult experiences is an important self-defense mechanism, but 2020 may have pushed me to new levels of detachment.
It took a while to realize I felt exiled. From my loved ones. From my community. From other creators.
In ancient times, to be exiled was the ultimate punishment and for good reason. Feeling like we don't belong is a powerful and potentially damaging social force.
And in a super helpful move, my brain labeled the root cause of this feeling as proof that I don't deserve to belong to these communities. I'm clearly not a true artist or I wouldn't feel this way.
Only, unlike my super helpful brain, I'm here to tell you that it is not proof of not belonging. It can simply be a lack of opportunity for connection.
Community matters.
The lockdown means that I have to be more diligent and active in how I find virtual ways to embrace my friends, loved ones and co-conspirators. As an introvert, I have to push hard against my desire to hide away and avoid social situations.
And it was a bit of a shock to realize just how many social events were in my calendar every month pre-COVID. The Introvert in me wants to think I hated all of these obligations, but clearly these events fed my reserves by allowing me to belong and be present with my peers.
Connection matters.
I don't believe in resolutions, but I am starting a practice to cherish and enable moments to connect with my peers, even when I feel like I'm going to just stand by the virtual punch bowl until I can escape the Zoom cocktail party.
I urge each of you to create space every week and every month to gather with some fellow co-conspirators. And to tell yourself that you belong. Because you do.
All of my love.
- Sean
